A Memory For Quistis Part #2
by Cloud24
Summary: A Sequal to A Memory for Quistis, told from another point of view and with differnet events.


****

A Memory For Quistis: Part #2

By Sonia Kerr

AUTHORS NOTES: If you have read part #1 then you should have a fair idea what this story is about. However, this time I decided to write the sequence of events from Lucan's point of view and in a more emotion driven manner. Basically, upon concluding part #1 I realised that due to the fact that I was the writer, I had a more complex understanding/relationship with Lucan since I created him. The reader on the other hand, only knows what they read; they do not know what drives him etc as I do. So I decided to write this part from his point of view, to give the reader a chance to see what goes on in Lucan's mind. What he's like and what he does with a high focus upon his feelings etc, I wanted to let the reader see what is in him and then decided if Quistis does get what she deserves. I like to think that she does, but at least you now have a chance to also decide. I'm quite happy with how it turned out, I think Lucan is quite likeable, but anyway, please let me know if you think anything needs to be changed or added etc, I'd like this story to be as effective as possible.

**********

It's interesting how people look at you when they are unaware that you know their steely eyes are upon you. I can sit for hours on end, alone and in silence, lost in my deepest thoughts and emotions, leaning back on a wooden chair in the corner of the cafeteria, just soaking up the different thoughts and emotions that various eyes pour out toward my silent form. Nobody knowing that I am aware of their visual presence, that I can read the thoughts sent out beyond their piercing and curious gazes.

Not that their thoughts are truly that bad or unworthy, I am not being looked upon as an evil being or anything as such. Yes, I must admit there are those who give off a resentful expression, then there are those who are simply curious. Wondering what it is about this young man, the silent one with the dark hair and green eyes. What does he have, and why does he give it out so willingly. Is he worthy of what he has?

I sometimes wonder these thoughts myself, and I tend to ponder over whether they really wanted to know the answer, if anyone even knew what it was, and would they care? If knowing the answers would allow them to never look at me again, for they would know what they wanted. Or would their curious looks turn to ones of judgement, deciphering from my reasons if I was a deserving man.

To be honest, I don't really care what these people think; their opinions do not matter to me in the least. For you see, there's really only one person who matters to me, and as long as that one person thinks I am worthy, then that is all that I care about, and that one person, is know as Quistis Trepe.

Quistis Trepe, in short, is my instructor, the one who teaches me to be come a SeeD, trains me in battle and such other things that is the duty of an instructor at Balamb Garden. But putting that one fact aside, Quistis Trepe is also the woman that I love, and fortunately for myself, I am also the man whom she has given her heart to. We are what many would consider the lucky ones, for what more could I say about her except I love her, and I'd give my life for hers.

I know that many people may not care about how I feel for Quistis, after all, I am just another face in the crowd around Balamb Garden. So why should I be the lucky one? Why should Quistis return or even possess those feelings to me? A student, nothing special…just another SeeD candidate, the silent transfer student, that guy who once was a thief. All these things are true, and that's why, I find it necessary to put my feelings into words. So those who do not know or can not see it, can finally put understanding to why nothing but Quistis matters to me. Thus, they can be the judge as to whether she has what she deserves or not.

I suppose I should begin by explain what it is about Quistis, why I feel in love with her, what events occurred and what I put myself through just for her. To show why I would willingly do it all again if it meant I could just have her hold my hand, to smile with true emotion at me. So I suppose I should begin there, with how Quistis Trepe has a way with people that I will never understand, but I am glad that she possesses that trait. For without it, I wonder if I ever would have fallen for her as far and fast as I did.

Someone once said that first impressions are the most important aspects in developing any form of relationship with a person, may it be professional, romantic or just a friendship. After all, if you can not look at someone in a certain light, then there may never be any chemistry between you. For some I suppose that would be truth, many are turned off by a mere description, even pictures and written profiles. Well, let me say so right now that first impressions, such as that, do not matter at all to me. For you see, the first time I ever saw Quistis Trepe was in Headmaster Cid's office.

The reason I was in the headmasters' office was because I had just been transferred to Balamb from Trabia Garden. I must admit, that even to this day, I've never honestly known why I had wanted that transfer. I was quite happy at Trabia Garden. I know it was quite a shamble considering it was in the process of reconstruction after the missile strike that had being launched upon it some time ago. But I was honestly happy at Trabia Garden. Due to the fact that we were always busy rebuilding and such, there was always time to think and something to do, and of course. I found that my past skills were useful and never looked down upon by the people. I belonged there despite my origin.

After all, I was a thief, I know in most people's mind that means a true criminal of some kind. But in honesty, I don't look upon myself like that; I never took things from innocent people. I suppose I was more the treasure hunter kind of thief, the evolved form that came from the kind who flogged gil from passer-buyers as a child. Instead of stealing, I would embark on little adventures of my own to unknown caves to uncover forgotten hordes of gold or statues. Anything that your common greedy collector would pay greatly for, and I was more then willing to risk life and limb for that kind of payment.

I know it makes me sound like a fool, but I enjoyed the adventure, I was a loner, no family of any kind, thus I had to fend for myself however possible. I could have gone about it the rightful way, found a job in a store and earned money that way. But I was sucked into a life of petty crime at a young age, in fact, I was most likely a thief before I can remember. Probably born into it, but I couldn't tell you, as my mind is a blank in those departments, memories wiped from using a GF.

For those who are aware of what a GF is, you are probably wondering how I could have used one so extensively that my memories had been erased. Well, if so, you are forgetting that I am a thief, and thus, a GF conveniently came into my possession when I was but 13 years old. Stolen, well, let's say, uncovered from a man who had become the unfortunate victim of a terrible landslide in the regions of Shumi Village. Now before you pass judgement, remember that I was 13, he was dead, and the GF was going to waste on his rotting body. What would you do in such a situation? That's right, you'd take it for yourself.

What was I doing in that region you might also be wondering, well, I had managed to cross the shallow regions of the seas upon a chocobo I had rightfully acquired. The Shumi region is renowned for its numerous treasures and such so it was a natural response for me to travel there in hopes of finding something to anything. But I guess that is not really important right now, nor do you probably care what I did in my youth. But I feel it is slightly necessary to understand where I come from.

So I grew up, matured into a treasure hunter who worked for anyone who was willing to pay, and I loved the adventure. One's skill is put to the test out in the wild, you learn how to increase your fighting ability, but at the same time you become more aware of the puzzles and tricks that the world is in possession of. How to uncover numerous secrets in temples that most have labelled abandoned or are simply to afraid to explore any further then the front steps. If they were, they would be greatly surprised by what they may discover.

But a time did come when I found my skill was needed elsewhere and that my talents could be put to proper and good use. This came when I crossed from the Shumi regions where I had become a frequent visitor, over to where I had seen a rather large explosion. I rode my chocobo over the small shallows of the waters until I came to the Trabia region and thus found the once thriving Trabia Garden in shambles. If I had being a worthless thief, I would have found this to be a gold mine and would have gone about taking my fair share of whatever goods no one was aware were present. But I didn't.

This is where I discovered I had a heart, yes; that pulp within my chest was did not just provide me with the flowing vital liquids that kept me alive. It also gave me a conscience that on occasion went to work, very rare for it to do so before that day. So I suppose that would explain why it came out in full force when I stepped into Trabia Garden and approached the cracked and ruined remains of a fountain and demon like statue. I had stood there for some time contemplating what to do when I was approached by one of the students, she must of seen the questions in my eyes and offered an explanation for what had occurred in Trabia.

Thus, as an outcome, I offered to help them, perhaps to give them some of what little funds I did have, but they refused to accept for I was not a member of Trabia. They didn't want to take my money, a choice I respected but could not accept. Thus, a change came over me and I offered them my services in rebuilding the Garden, I was quite good at things like that and I was sure they would be pleasantly surprised. Not wanting to argue any further, and also aided by the fact that my chocobo was growing disgruntled, she accepted my offer on one condition, that I join the garden.

So that is how I became a member of Garden and a possible candidate for SeeD. I was, at first reluctant, but the prospects that I could earn honest money partially doing what I loved was quite appealing to me. So I joined Garden and took my place in the committee of reconstruction, with training on the side. Something that took a while to become accustomed to, a schedule and discipline, after all, the only discipline I knew was how to conserve energy and food. The only orders I knew how to follow came from cigar smoking men who lived in mansions, and even then, I spoke back. So you could imagine the troubles I went through adjusting, and if it had not been for physical prowess they most likely would have given up hope early. But they stuck with me, so I didn't give up until I myself became just like most other students.

My life at Trabia was quite blissful; I had a warm bed, people who seemed to care about my existence and not just what I could do for them. I never became close to many people, old habits die hard, but I was close enough to know I could call them friends, speak with them whenever I felt it necessary, and not worry about too much judgement for my past. I guess you wouldn't judge my past when it was that which was a high part of the rebuilding of many of their most important facilities.

But there did come a day, a morning to be precise, when things changed, not with the people of Trabia, but with myself. To put it simple, I woke up one morning with a strange feeling within my chest, I can not explain what it was like, but it was kind of like a burning sensation, a pulling force that was speaking within my heart. Telling me in a silent voice that I had to move on, a yearning to go somewhere else, and when I closed my eyes and listened closely. I realised the place I was to go was Balamb Garden.

I tried to ignore that feeling for days, but every morning I would wake up with that heavy sensation in my chest and the words Balamb repeating over and over in my mind. Never was I to know where it had come from or why, it was just there, a hunger for something that was beyond any craving or thirst for a particular treasure I had ever had. Never being one to ignore my gut instinct, I figured I should listen to that voice, after all, it had never lead me astray so far in my life. So why go against it now? There was no reason to, thus I applied for a transfer and it was granted within a few days.

So that is how I came do be in headmaster Cid's office in Balamb garden, slightly nervous and overwhelmed. I had not taken much time to look at the garden upon my arrival, but from what I had seen, I can assure you was a truly amazing sight. It even surpassed the sight of the diamonds I had uncovered upon the beaches in the northern regions of the Island of Longhorn. I didn't dare to wander around before going to the headmasters for my scheduled appointment, for I feared that I would get lost since I was on my own.

So I had gone immediately to his office, following the straightforward map I had been provided with by the headmaster of Trabia. I had thought he was joking when he gave it to me at that point in time, but now I was thankful I had humoured him and taken it. I eventually found my way to his office, which looked like it had being rebuilt, for there was a second lift in the back that seemed out of place.

Getting back on track, it was in this office that I was handed a small portfolio filled with information and such for my stay, plus some further information about the woman who was to be my instructor. Her name, as I flipped through the file, was Quistis Trepe, a SeeD come instructor who was, at that point in time 19, nearly two years younger then myself. This depressed me as I looked at the photos that had accompanied the information Cid had given me. 

The girl in those photos looked younger then her given age, with blond hair, from what I could make of it, tied back except for the long parted fringe. She certainly was attractive with her pale blue eyes and her somewhat, professional look to her face. The picture had obviously being taken involuntarily for her face carried a cute, but annoyed glare. But this didn't matter to me at that time, all that I was thinking of was the fact that she was so young.

Cid must of known this for he was laughing, unprofessionally I thought, for he reminded me of one of my former employees when I had delivered his prize and he paid me my trifle wage. I glared up at him from the folder he had given me and he smiled pushing his glasses back upon the bridge of his nose as he spoke.

"Don't be so depressed boy!" Cid spoke with that glimmer of humour still in his voice as he leant back in his chair "Quistis is one of the best instructors we have."  
"I guess…" I managed in a muttered voice. 

"Don't tell me you're worried about the age? Because your instructor will be younger then you? Trust me Lucan, Quistis is very professional and comes highly recommended."

I frowned again and put on a rather annoyed expression, that good ole Treasure Hunter personality slipping forward as it did quite often. It made me seem so self-assured suffering from too much dexterity to handle myself and trust my own words. Or you could just refer to it as a stubbornness to take orders "It's not like I can complain anyway right Sir? I have no power to do so…and it would be wrong, right?"  
Cid nodded "That's right boy, you shouldn't be so worried about your instructor Lucan…." He trailed off as he leant over and began flipping through the file in front of, him, making strange tutting sounds as he examined the papers of which I presumed to contain my brief history information at Trabia Gardens. Finally he looked up once more, his hand still clutching the corner of a page in a half turned motion "I'm sorry Lucan…but I just noticed…we do not have your last name down in the records…Must of being overlooked or forgotten."

"No, I don't have one."

"You don't have one?"  
I shook my head "No, is that a problem?"  
"Well, it is strange, but I won't question you any further…but, I have no doubt that Quistis will, she likes to know all there is to know about her students."

I nodded grimly, "You don't paint a likeable picture of your instructors you realise? I mean, I for one like my privacy…"

"Well you'll just have to grow to like her Lucan…because I won't change your schedule. Just trust me, she is truly one of the best."

I sighed heavily but accepted his words, after all, if the headmaster was recommending her with such pride in his voice it must be partially the truth. "If you say so Sir." I smiled grimly "Thank you sir." I must have looked a right fool then for a touched my forehead in a mock salute that was the common form of greeting I had used when I was working for those cigar men.  
"That is more like it,"

"I guess so, I'm not used too taking orders…let alone someone younger then me."  
Cid just laughed at this comment and I frowned "I don't think age is going to matter, Quistis is dedicated to her work. If anything you'll find that you wouldn't dare to not follow her orders. She's more professional then any other instructor I know."

"I suppose so, I guess I'll just have to see what happens." I leant forward and placed the file upon his desk once again and looked toward Cid once more as he began speaking "Classes start tomorrow, so you have today to find your dorm room, you'll be sharing with another student since you're not a SeeD. Take some time out to look around, Balamb can be quite geographically confusing. There is a board on the first floor that has an electronic layout and description of the area. If you find that you should be fine, if not, just ask someone, they'll all be willing to help."

I nodded and rose from my chair, realising that I was in fact quite hot for the first time, flushed and heated from the sun blaring through the glass paneling windows, so I questioned Cid once more "How do I get outside?"  
"First floor there's a quad, I'd tell you to stop by the cafeteria and gather some food. But chances are highly unlikely that you will get anything…it's a mad house at lunch time." He said this with a grin once again that disheartened me.

"I suppose I'll just find my own way down stairs…" 

"Just remember, if you get lost, ask someone to show you around."  
"I suppose." I said this blandly, for the truth was, I am not the kind to ask for help from anyone. I would rather wander aimlessly in hopes of finding my own way rather then admit to being lost. An unfortunate trait gathered from my years alone that I could never give up. But I wasn't about to admit it to the headmaster, I wasn't going to admit to it to anyone, least of all my superior.

I left Cid's office after that, a basic idea of where the dorms were situated and such, but no true sense of direction as I boarded the lift and hit the button for the first floor.

As you can see, my first impression of Quistis Trepe came from a photo and file of information that set out her basic statistics and history with Garden. A girl who was a SeeD at 15 and instructor at 17, not only that, but she had being a part of the small group of SeeD's who had saved us from the sorceress Ultimecia. An impressive record for anyone to possess, and here I was, a thief come treasure hunter come garden student being assigned to her of all people. She surpassed me in every field; she would probably look down upon me when she discovered my calling in life. So I guess my first impression of Quistis was not glowing or one that allowed me to be even remotely attracted to her.

But that impression only lasted a little less then ten minutes, for I was to come face to face with Quistis Trepe when the lift stopped on the second floor. The doors slid open and no one stepped on, an accidentally pressed button I presumed as I thumbed the close door button and the doors began to shut. But as this happened I heard the sounds of some one approaching fast, so following a natural deduction I jerked out my hand and took hold of the closing doors from my position beside the buttons. Stopping it just as a figure lunged into the lift, came to a screeching halt, leaning over panting for breath.

From her position the girl spoke out the number of her desired floor, and looking at her from where I stood I obeyed, not really paying much attention to her appearance or caring to be exact. After all, I had just saved the lift for her and all she could manage to do was tell me which floor she wanted. But I didn't look away as I pressed my thumb to the button once again, I guess I was just curious as to who she was, and I watched silently as she straightened and began checking her self over. But the only evidence of her rush to the lift was from the slight flush in her cheeks, the rest of her looked perfect, so perfect that I had to smile at the thought that it was not possible for this girl to not look good.

Finally as the lift began moving she turned and focused her eyes upon mine, and stood staring, I felt uneasy and smiled as best I could, but her eyes would not look away from mine. In my mind, I could swear that all that I was, the very essence of my being was melting into her gaze. I do not know if the English language has words to describe what happened to me at that moment. Our eyes just locked, and I could see beyond the colour of her irises, past the retinas, those long eyelashes. My own eyes were burning through it all, peeling layer upon layer away and granting me access to something more. 

I saw, in her eyes, the future in bright colours, my mind a clear blue hue that gave of a warm fuzzy feeling within my chest. Laughter, flowers, all those things seemed to shoot through my mind as I stared, numb on the inside, but smiling on the outside. She too was looking at me, unable to tear her eyes away, I guess you would say in that one brief moment, she had become trapped in my gaze and I didn't know why, but I can tell you one thing that I was sure of at that moment. That, despite what people might tell you, what you yourself might believe, I can honestly tell you, that there is such a thing as love at first sight. For at that precise moment, I had fallen in love.

Shake your head in disbelief if you must, or poke fun of me in silent stares or laughter if that is what you prefers. But I tell no lies; I've never lied before in my life, I even told you how I stole a GF from a dead man. So I can honestly say, I am not lying about that one moment. I fell in love with Quistis Trepe before she even knew who I was. It was not just her image, I'd seen her in pictures only moments earlier, and they did not have an affect upon me like this one moment. I could see beyond her physical form, I was being granted sight into her soul through her eyes. I had, in a matter of seconds joined the ranks of a man captivated by love and beauty. And the only thing that prevented me from becoming some kind of fool, was the signal from the lift that we had reached our floor.

That bell brought me back to reality, it allowed my senses to return as did my composure, else I would have tripped over my tongue and made such an awful impression that Quisits Trepe would thought of me as nothing more then a dolt. I am forever thankful for that piece of machinery, which saved myself from that awful fate. It gave me a chance to speak properly, to appear human and as I always presented myself to people, that is, distant and kind of self-assured as most treasure hunters would be. 

That was how it all begun for me, how I came to fall in love with Quistis Trepe without having hardly any direct words passing between us. Nothing more then your basic conversation proceed afterwards, that was until she offered to show me around. An offer that I would normally of refused, but since it was her…I was more then happy to accept, in fact, I have no doubt that I somehow gave off that desire for her help, without even being aware that I was doing it. But she picked up on it, and she proceeded to show me around the Garden, an invisible bond forming between us that I dared not explain.

I was in love, something that I never dreamed possible for the likes of me, and I had always believed that the only thing I would love was money and near death experiences. That the only thing that could make my heart pound and my palms sweat was racing down a hill trying to avoid an avalanche of snow while my chocobo screeched its protests beside me. Facing a T-Rex on the Island closes to Hell felt nothing like what I was feeling here. I have never before trembled as much as I did when I thought of Quistis Trepe, nothing…absolutely nothing compared to how I felt for this girl.

The feeling never subsided, it grew stronger with every day and as more time went by I even found myself laying awake on my bed in the dorm, trying desperately to find anything to something that made me feel the way I was feeling right then. I thought about all the trips I had gone on, every adventure I had put myself through for some cigar munching man. Yet I could not come up with one thing that had the same affect upon me as Quistis Trepe did, and this actually frightened me. I had read novels and heard tales about men who fell in love easily with woman. I just never imagined myself being one of them, I just believed it was something that only existed in those tales, but now it had extended into reality and was changing me with every passing second. Like I said, it frightened me, the power of this feeling.

What frightened me the most was the fact that I had no idea how to handle what was happening to me. I have always known how to handle basically everything in life that I had come across, I had come up against some of the toughest creatures imaginable, some of the most violent men as well. There was nothing I could not talk myself out of or handle, no situation that had ever concerned or worried me. I was the master when it came to presenting yourself for certain events, I knew how to approaching a person with money, and I knew how to approach and gain the trust of a Moomba or a Shumi tribesman. Basically, I knew how to go about everything and succeed at gaining what I wanted. But this time…I was not dealing with a possession, I was not out to save my own hide, I was not trying to achieve some treasure for another person, I was dealing with the unknown, and I was terrified.

I know that when you think about what I was going through, you would doubtlessly find it quite absurd. I mean, who has ever heard of a thief or treasure hunter who did not know how to charm a girl? Well, my name is Lucan, and I am the first of my kind who does not know how to do it nor do I want to be able to. I'm not a charmer, nor was I out to charm Quistis Trepe, to impress her with false promises and flowers followed by the traditional breaking of the heart. After all, that's what treasure hunters are renowned for doing, I should know since I am one, and I have seen my fair share of woman receiving broken hearts from business partners during my short life. I had and still do not have any desire for having my name placed upon the same list as those men.

All I knew and trusted was the fact that I was in love with someone I hardly knew, but felt like I had known forever, and wanted to keep it that way. I had no intentions of trying to win her heart then break it, that particular idea repulsed me, for all I wanted was to make her happy. These thoughts were continuous in my mind and even shocked me for I did not believe I was capable of such slosh. All these silent vows I was making in my head, promises and such to never let her down, to never hurt her to never let her cry. When I eventually drew myself away from these thoughts and gave myself a good silent reprimand, I declared that I must be crazy, it was the only explanation I could come up with.

Naturally though, despite all my reprimanding and silent threatening to myself, nothing made sense to me and I could not return to the man I once was. That is why I spent so many nights just laying in my bed trying to figure things out, to come to some sort of conclusion or understanding. But the path to happiness is a tough one, and foreign to those who never understood that word before in his life. Perhaps I was more confused over the pace by which my life had changed, because of one stupid emotion that had managed to crawl its way into my vessel.

I pondered over all I did know about love though, into the late hours of the night I would remain sprawled upon my bed, the window open allowing a cool breeze to float in, lost in my thoughts. Yet all I could come up with were memories of what foolish acts others had done in hopes of impressing a girl. That was where the problem lied, I didn't want to impress Quistis Trepe, I didn't care if she thought I was the greatest student alive. I just wanted her to love me, to love me because she wanted to, not because I impressed her into those feelings.

You can only imagine how confused I was, and I remained so for many days and sleepless nights. I was fine when I was with Quistis though, in class things were easy because I had my work to hide behind, as it was with training. There was no hope of letting it become evident that I had feelings for her when I was immersed in a battle with another gun-blade wielding student. You're to busy protecting your hide from injury and aiming for victory to think about anything else.

I found a lot of things to do that would occupy my mind quite frequently, but even during those times Quistis would pop up in my thoughts, or in person as some days would have it. Like the time I had stayed behind in class, a usual act I did, I couldn't be bothered getting up and rushing out like most of the other students. Nor was I one to horde Quistis with question like her groupies who hounded her worse then a treasure hunter holding an ancient relic amongst a group of greedy collectors. I was just a lazy staler, I did things at my own pace and for my own enjoyment. That's why a lot of the time I would remain in my seat and aimless look over the computer before me. If I did this during class Quistis seemed to sense it and would reprimand you for not concentrating on things of importance.

Well, I remember one time I was sitting there just pressing away at the buttons on the computer, reading over the messages left and such before I wandered into the Festival Committee page. I tell you now, the girl that put this page together certainly is a cheery one, and the site has an overall happy feeling to it and so many bright colours and little on screen flowers that you either find yourself smiling or frowning is an overload of happiness. Anyway's I was sitting there just sifting through all the information this girl poured into the page when I wandered over to another section entitled My Friends. Interesting enough though, it had started out as a selection of messages from her friends, but now any to everybody was leaving messages for all to see.

Well I began filtering through these messages, finding some quite humorous and such, for most people didn't really care that what they wrote was being see by anyone. Most messages were kind of direct, just a hello of thoughts with a tiny bit about themselves, Quistis Trepe had even left a message which I read with grim humour, it was kind of old and went like this:

__

Hello, this is Quistis Trepe

I've been quite busy with my SeeD duties. How's everyone doing with their studies and training? For all those working towards becoming a SeeD and everyone else just remember, have fun.

Why do I always end up sounding like an instructor? Perhaps I'm a little too… serious?

I had to grin at her words, she was right, even in this message she did sound like an instructor, while everyone else sounded flighty and corny, she was being direct, but it was a nice message all the same. The grin that had found its way onto my face did not even get a chance to disappear though, for as I read over her words a shadow cast itself over my shoulders and a lock of blond hair came into view. 

"Hmmm, she's still got that up?"

I turned only slightly for I knew it was Quistis, I know, obsession striking in again, but I could smell her, like roses, my nose had suddenly filled with her scent. A gentle mixture of fruits, and

something else, something distinctly female like a mixture of the most exotic flowers known to man. Intoxicating is the best way to describe it, the only word that does justice to her sweet fragrance. Females are funny that way, I suppose. It's as if each and every pore of their body secretes a perfume of some strange kind that entrances a man. After a hard day of training or working, pick any kind of duty, a man would return smelling rather gamely, I should know. Quistis, or any other female for that matter, smells like a rose no matter what she has put her self through. But that's how I knew it was Quistis standing there and when I looked I noticed she was leaning over my shoulder examining the screen, reading her own words and looking slightly embarrassed.

"It's not that bad, most of the entires I've read are quite silly." I offered tearing myself away from the thought of her scent "Yours is at least positive right?"  
She smiled once again and her glasses flashed as she removed them from her face, after all, she had no need for them when not teaching, although I have to admit, they gave her an added touch of beauty…I don't know how to explain it. "Well I hope, if any one, you at least pay attention to it."

I frowned and raised my eyebrows at her, half listening to what she said, half entranced by her presnece "What?"  
"Have fun…you always seem either serious or distant. Like you'd rather be somewhere else…" she trailed off and I saw that she was frowning as she reached out and gently touched the screen, her finger pressing against the liquid crystal display "Do you?"  
"What?" I mumbled as she switched the screen to show another one, an entry form of sorts.

"Wish you were somewhere else?"

I shrugged "Not really…I mean, I suppose at times I wonder what my life would like if I hadn't changed and came here. So yeah, I guess I do wish I was back out there sometimes, when I don't understand what's going on…I at least knew who I was before."  
"As a thief?"  
"Yeah…" I must of sounded embarrassed by those words so she corrected herself.

"Sorry, I meant Treasure Hunter."  
"Hmmm." I wasn't listen for she was accessing the form and was slowly filling it out from her position leaning over me. My name being typed slowly into it and I frowned once again at this action "What are you doing?"  
"Well you've got to leave a message…everyone else has." I saw her smiling at this and before I could protest she was speaking once more "No last name right?"  
"Right…"  
"Why not?"  
Cid was right; I recalled his words that Quistis would try to find out why I did not have a last name, so I figured I might as well explain "Well, basically I don't remember it. And when you're in the line of work that I was, a last name acts as a tracking device of sorts for the authorities."  
She was nodding as though she understood, but I could tell that she was not satisfied with my explanation and wanted to know more "So how did people track you then? To…um…employ you?"

"Word of mouth on the underground. You boast about something you've done, its passed on, gets back to those who want to know. It's an easy system once you're a part of it, you work for one person and do a good job, and they're going to recommend you. Those people want the job done, so they'll do what ever it takes to find you." I was kind of shocked at how easy I told her this stuff; I usually tried to keep my past trade a bit of a secret. To avoid miss trust forming in any of the students, but I didn't mind telling Quistis, not because of how I felt, but because I knew she wouldn't hold a grudge of any sorts, she was just curious.

"So a last name endangers you? But if you're no longer one…why not have a last name now?"  
"No need for one…"

"Oh really…?"  
"Yep…"

Quistis laughed and I felt her breath across my ear as she did this, for she was quite close now, leaning over and typing "One day you will need one…I promise you."

"Give me one example." I challenged grinning, I mean, truly what reason could a person have for a last name that was necessary? Well, Quistis thought, and I was pretty proud of myself for stumping her…but a rule to the unwary, never challenge Quistis Trepe. For she came up with a response, I managed to knock it back down. But she did get me with it "Marriage…You need a last name for marriage right?"

I swallowed hard at that word, I'm a dreamer still at heart, a wistful wander with no real direction in life, the word marriage, said by anyone, puts an instant fear in the blood and you freeze up at the mere thought of it. Despite the fact you have no plans to even consider it for a least a few more years, Quistis naturally had to see this fear in me so I decided to turn it around and make her be the one to be embarrassed.

So grinning I responded "I'll take your name. Avoid the trouble, how's that?" I know, a cocky response expected for the likes of me. I guess though, there was some truth in my words, if I was to ever get married, I'd take the girls name if she wanted me to.

Quistis had to control her self to come up with her own response. Interesting thing was that, despite the obvious tensions that were between us at times. There was none right now, although, considering the subject matter, one would expect us to both be awkward, especially me. "Well at least you won't cause any arguments in that department. Sounds fair…I accept" her voice trembled a bit but she regained herself and spoke once more "But I do believe you will need it anyway."

"I doubt it, I've made it this far without one." I turned back to the screen and by now she had filled it in entirely, even writing a message for me, I read it and frowned once again "That makes me sound too friendly…I'm not like that."  
"Not to most people…" before I could sound another protest though she had hit return, the message locked away and there for all to see if they wished to access it "There…now don't complain."  
I'm sorry, but I'm not going to tell you what the message was, it just, wasn't me. Well maybe it was, but a side of me I don't ever express to many people, sort of kind and sweet, that honest dreamer in me that I show to very few and do not even notice myself. Which is why I do not think of myself as a sweet or nice person in anyway.  
Well anyway, that's the small kind of this and that which would go on between us, they weren't too complicated or such, we got along quite well at times without any concerns or real tensions between us. The only time that Quistis would complicate my safe haven of emotions though was when she'd step onto the training field. It was like when your mother would enter your room and start poking around in your sacred collections. You don't know where to look or what to do because she has stepped on tender ground. 

That's how it was whenever Quistis would enter the training field to compete against me. I think I manage to worm my way out of it quite nicely most of the time, I would make up an excuse that it would be an unfair fight since I was wielding a gun-blade and her, a whip. The match up was just not fair or equal and I didn't want to go into such a fight against my instructor if there was a chance of going against regulations.

She accepted this quite easily and I was safe from looking the fool in front of the other students. Things would have remained fine as well, for you see, Quistis and I were good friends, I liked talking with her and she seemed to enjoy spending time with me. Somehow I managed to maintain my composure all the time, never giving off the slightest hint for how I really felt. That's a good thing about being a thief, the skills of manipulating your feelings and expressions always come in handy, and you never forget them. Also, even though Quistis knew I was once a thief, she was also unaware of my residing talents so I never had to worry about her being aware of these things.

But naturally, things like this always have to get complicated, and I of course was not able to spare myself the embarrassment. For you see, while I was happy to not fight Quistis, she in turn was not and I unfortunately was unaware that she had being plotting this behind my back. Arranging things so that I could not object to her challenge when she was prepared and there was no way I could back out of it without failing to save face. Although this did not really matter to me, I still did have some sense of pride when it came to my classmates; another failing carried over from my treasure hunter days.

Lets just say, things did not go as I had planned or hoped, for Quistis and I did enter into the challenge, but how could I live with myself if I brought harm to her? What kind of man could voluntarily injure the woman he claimed to love? I will tell you what kind, a fiend, so I opted for the complete opposite, a coward.

Well maybe I wasn't a coward, but I am sure many others thought of me in that particular light come the end of the day. For one, during the fight in which Quistis was equipped with the ultimate form of her weapon, I found myself pulling out of every attack I made. If you time yourself correctly, it is easy to look like you are using as much strength as possible, when in fact, you have reversed yourself and are using half your force in the full berth of the attack while the other is pulling you out. Therefore, to those watching it looked like a legitimate battle and because Quistis was on the receiving end she would believe this also, but to myself I knew it was not a proper fight.

Unfortunately I came to the conclusion that she was very much aware of what I was doing; I could see it her eyes every time she fended off one of my attacks. Her blues would fill with confusion as they locked on mine, as if to say, What are you doing Lucan? So to avoid any further embarrassment or questioning on her behalf, I did the only thing I could think of. The cowardly act which I thought to be noble, after all, I was willing to toss it all in for her, so in my point of view, I was doing the right thing. In everyone else's, I was being a coward.

I pulled out of the fight, I couldn't tell her exactly why I was doing it, but I pieced together a reasonable excuse and stood back, leaning upon my gun-blade. If there's one thing that you have to remember, it is not to run after doing such an act, for to do so would truly have made people curious. Not that they didn't question me afterwards when Quistis had returned to the Garden, I was instantly bombarded with questions as to why I had did what I did. Most accepted my reasoning, but there were those who saw beyond my words, those who were aware as to my feelings, but they never took it any further then the training grounds. Not daring to let it get out that I was in love with my instructor, for it could mean trouble if Quistis did not care in the slightest for me.

When it comes to emotions I always thought I was the only one who was no good at them, I had them; I just didn't understand them or how they worked. But there came a day after class when I was busy sorting through my GF's that a glimmer of hope shone through and I realised, that I was not the only one who was not sure how to handle their feelings. Well this is what I thought anyway.

While I was busy sorting through my GF's Quistis had silently approached me, watching what I was doing while I remained unaware of her presence. But eventually she spoke up and began questioning my use of them, I found this strangely odd, because she seemed…desperate as she spoke. Hanging on my every word not interested in how I answered, but in what I said, like she was hoping for a particular answer of sorts. One that I do not think I delivered, for she sunk into a string of questioning that made me feel uncomfortable. Continually asking about my past, if I remembered it and if I missed not remembering. Well, the truth is, I don't care about my past at all, what I remember and what I don't remember. I'm a person who lives for the now and the future, what was does not matter to me, if you hold grudges you're bound to regret it when you may need that persons help.

But Quistis certainly seemed upset about the fact that the GF erased people's pasts, she was awfully distressed at the fact that I did not have any desire to remember mine. It was through this conversation though that I discovered something of my own. Quistis, after much questioning would slip into a state of deep thought, but during this she would just stare at me. A stare that made me feel hopeful, uneasy, but hopeful at the same time, for the look was filled with something I recognised…her eyes carried the same glimmer mine did when I looked in the mirror, Quistis the only thing on my mind.

That is what I believed anyway, no… that is what I was certain of, for when I took hold of her shoulder I could feel her trembling. She was holding back everything that I knew she possessed, and no matter what I said or did…I couldn't make her draw it out. Nor would I allow my self to say anything in the vicinity of what I myself felt, once again this was my own fault. If I had more nerves, I would have told her the way I felt, that I had felt this way since the moment she looked at me on the lift that day. But I couldn't bring myself to do it, because I was afraid, what of? I don't really know, that she'd run…that she'd laugh, that I would stumble over my words and look a right fool. I just didn't have the right direction; I was an amateur at feelings and had no idea how I should go about expressing them.

Then she ran, she fled as fast as was humanly possible and in that split second, I realised that I had to grow the nerves I needed or else I would lose her. Not to someone else, but, to her own fears. So I took chase after her, promising myself that when I caught her, I would tell her that I loved her. I would tell her everything, no matter how foolish some of it might sound. There was no way I would hold it back now, I didn't care about anything but Quistis Trepe. 

But I never got to say those three little words to her; I never got to tell her that I'd give my life for her. That opportunity was closed from my reach as the doors to the lift slid shut. Her hand not holding them open like I had that day, she just stood there, her eyes locked on mine as the door closed in my face. But that was enough for me to understand, for in her eyes I saw her pleading with me, for time, for understanding. Something that I would give to her even though I did not know why, all I knew was that I would wait forever just to be given the chance to walk with her for a moment. A single moment with Quistis as mine was all I desired now, and I would wait eternity for that chance.

Eternity is a long time however, and if I must say, it can get quite hard and boring at times when you're on your own. But at least it gives you a lot of time to think, to come to an agreement with yourself over what you have to do, and I'm glad for that time I was granted. Because from the moment that lift door slid shut, I realised the only thing I could do was wait, do not push, do not pursue. In silence I must wait on the side-line, silently pining, but never letting my inner agony show outwardly, devote yourself entire to the one you love.

If you love someone, then no amount of time apart should affect those feelings, in fact it should enhance them. Well that is what I concluded anyways, and that is how I made it through each day. Keeping my distance, but letting her know the best I could that I was there, that I would always be there waiting. Even if it meant forever, I would still be there, whatever it was she needed from me, I would deliver. Right now what she needed was time, so that is what I gave her, she didn't need to verbally ask for it, I just knew, for now, when it came to Quistis I had a sixth sense.

I never knew how painful life could be, I never knew how much a heart can endure, I also never knew that I would go through as much suffering as I did during that time of distance from Quistis. Late at night, when the moon was high and its beam shining in through my open window, I would see, across my bare chest, the wet tears I had being crying earlier. They had jumped from my cheeks and trailed their way down my flesh, my navel eventually becoming a small swimming pool of salt housing my grief.

Crying is something I've never done before in my life. But I did it frequently now; tears would fall from my eyes subconsciously as I lay in bed staring out the window into the star filled sky. Someone once told me that the future is written in the stars, but I never saw anything up there that could give me hope. All I saw was a never-ending stretch of blackness littered with white dots that had a tendency to wink back at me. Teasing me with the knowledge they would not share with me, no matter how heartwrenchingly I looked upon them. Begging, pleading for a sign of any sorts that might make my time pass less painfully. But it was never to be granted to me.

That was how I lived my life though, days turning into weeks which eventually turned into months. I became a professional brooder of sorts who would spend much to most of his free time seated in the corner of the cafeteria, or where ever Quistis could be found. Silently watching over her, a shadow who would offer her the warmth and protection she may need the moment she asked for it. Her loving angel waiting for the chance to let her know that I would walk backward around the world for her, even if it were just to see her smile.

Every day I went on like this, sitting, watching, thinking, bent forward and leaning across the table, arms folded as I rested my head upon them, my eyes focused upon Quistis who would be seated with her friends on the other side of the room. They all knew I was watching, I think they did anyway, Xu, she would look at me quite often, just glimpses that assured me that she knew partially what was going on in my mind. Being labelled a romantic fool by many Garden members did not give me an added boost, nor did I ask for that kind of support from anyone. I did not care what they thought; all that mattered to me, was Quistis. 

I remember one day when I was sitting out in the quad by myself, just reading over an old book I had borrowed from the library concerning ancient artefacts in the local areas. I had flipped through the pages and saw many objects that I recognised, ones I had risked my life to uncover for an employer. Each one I looked at was more exquisite and beautiful then the next, true prizes for a treasure hunter like myself. But it wasn't until I finished the book that I realised a strange, slightly soppy fact that I know I would never admit out loud, but in writing, I can do it. 

You see, I realised that as a treasure hunter all I did was look and search for other men's greatest desires. What they considered to be the pearls of creation, gods' greatest beauties, but to me they were just another passing job. Now finally, with the putting aside of my recklessness, I realised that I myself had found the one treasure that I considered to be the pearl of existence. All my life I had being searching for the perfect and most priceless treasure known to man, and here in Balamb Garden I had found it…and could possibly lose it before I could let it know that it meant so much to me. Quistis Trepe…I can not believe nor understand how she does this to me. Tears me away from the person I once was and changed me into a romantic love struck fool…one that I was happy to be turned into.

By now you're probably made the decision that I am some kind of a nut case, a man with an obsession with a girl, perhaps you've even decided to label me a stalker. But please understand, there are 24hrs in a day, and although I did spend a good few thinking of Quistis and watching over her. Most of it I used to indulge myself in work and training so that I could pull my mind away from her and concentrate upon the world that was moving on around me. A lot of my time I did spend simply sitting alone somewhere, maybe in a corner in the quad, under a tree, in the library, or one of a number of places just thinking about what I was missing out on. Just senseless pondering over what it would be like to be with her, to hold her, to kiss her, or to just have her beside me holding my hand in hers.

The best escape from these thoughts came in the form of training, most of my days were livable due to the fact that I would throw myself into my training or text books. I would pour over the written words then use the reserved energy saved during that reading in the training centre. Taking on as many creatures as I could, but never being stupid enough to cause my self-harm to deserve the romantic fool title, I may be a fool, but I'm in no possession of a death wish.

Let us also not forget who my instructor is, and it should be known that a few hours a day are spent in class with her. Sitting dismally in my seat, trying not to look like a little lost boy every time I would look toward the front of the room to where she stood. To hold back the pain that would tear at my heart from showing upon my face when she spoke my name was painful. It is hard to hold your head high and look like you are not suffering when all those around you know you are, just waiting for the moment that you would break down from the stress it put upon you. I could see it on all their faces, they craved that moment when either I or Quistis would break and flee the room.

What if one of us did do that though? I spent some time pondering that thought, I know that if Quistis broke down and fled the room, I would go after her…I would not hold back nor care what those around me thought. They would probably enjoy seeing me chase after Quistis, perhaps they would follow so they would have something to talk about in their free time. But if I broke…if been in that room with her became too much for me, would I flee? Would I run away like a blubbering fool, I don't know...nor do I know if Quistis would go after me. I like to think that she would, but I'm not about to test that theory, I would be infiltrating the space I have granted her if I did.

Yet I made it through each lesson without faltering, sometimes though, I did notice that Quistis seemed to be suffering. I'm not sure what from, as her skin would look pale, a milky white colour that seemed to suggest she was ill. She would also sway a little at times, when she stood at her desk before the class, a hot flush would sweep over her, hand pressing her forehead and she would sway as though she would faint at any moment. But she always managed to steady herself and sit back down in her chair, saving me from daring to play the hero if she did collapse to the ground.

This however, began to be a daily occurrence and it troubled me deeply. Each day she would appear weak and tired, like she was ill and suffering from some kind of sickness. I tried to question her once on her health at the start of a lesson, but I received no response, I do not think she heard me, for her face was flushed and her breathing heavy. She was short of breath but had not undergone any physical activities that could cause such a thing. I didn't know what to do either, I tired to speak with Xu but she was as clueless as I was.

Nobody seemed too concerned either, Xu being the only other to really notice the change like I did. Of course, there were Quistis's other friends' but I do not think they were around her as often as Xu to really notice anything wrong with her. They were good friends, but they did not spend that much time together lately, most likely due to Quistis's state I would say. She didn't seem to want to socialise with people that often, rather stay in her room I suppose.

Quistis's state of health continued to deteriorate, and unfortunately I seemed to be the only one to really notice. Most passed it off as a cold or flu, but to me, it was something more serious that was affecting her with every passing day. But there was nothing I could do about it, if I tried, she would most likely be angered at me, if she wanted my help…she would ask. She didn't want me there yet, she was still…searching for whatever it was she was looking for. Until she found it, I promised myself I would stay away; I would give her the distance I knew she needed. I wasn't going to break that vow, no matter what…unless, unless I knew she needed me, that she really did want me in her heart.

It was a cool night though when things really began to change, please do not ask me to explain it properly, for I do not know exactly what happened. But I can tell you this, it was the middle of the night, and I was still wide-awake in bed. Lying upon my mattress, the blankets tucked in neatly, for it was too nice a night to slip under the covers. The temperature in the air was perfect, and the breeze coming in the window aided to make sure that the body remained at constant temperature. Absolutely perfect, I was just lying there awake, not wanting to sleep because I was enjoying the feel of the breeze blowing across my body, the stars outside where winking at me in their usual cheeky manner, and the moon I'm sure was smiling that night.

As I lay there just enjoying the breeze and the night sky, I began to feel a burning sensation running through my heart. I had felt it before, in Trabia as I recall mentioning much earlier. A pain that tears through my heart like a silent warning, signalling that there was something I need to do immediately. I knew I had to do something straightaway, for you see, the intensity of the burning was ten-fold worse then it usually was, which meant upmost urgency. Not that I did anything about it immediately, I did groan a bit, and thump my chest hoping to remove the pain, but that was ineffective. So instead I sat upright, my forehead already matted in sweat. 

I looked out side, my eyes squinting as I gazed toward the moons glowing face, silently asking it to help me, to either remove the pain or tell me what it meant. The stars gave their response by twinkling in their usual manner and I cursed them for their secrecy as I doubled over with pain. I had no honest idea what was going on, for the other times I had experienced such pain it was always accompanied by a voice in my head that delivered the words explaining what I had to do. But not this time, my mind was free of any words, any ringing, it was more silent then a chapel.

But I was not in the mood to withstand the pain, this was a night I was enjoying myself, just lying peacefully upon my bed, the breeze tickling my chest and able to put aside my grief and concern as I drifted off to different, somewhat happy thoughts. I could not just bury my head under the pillow and will this agony away, nor could I forget it for it was like a fire rushing through my heart. All I could do was swear angrily as I thrust my fists into the innocent pulp of my pillow, erupting all my anger into each strike hoping to frighten away the pain. This unfortunately did not work.

Hours must have passed while I tossed about trying to revoke that discomfort; I even tried reasoning with it at one point. Trying to explain that if it told me what I had to do, things would be much easier for us both. I think reasoning with a brick wall might of being more successful then that though. For at least I know what a brick wall is, this anguish was foreign to me, for it had never explained its presence properly and I had always being forced to endure it and figure out what it wanted by myself. A task that usually took days to do, and this time the pain was so much more then those times before, I doubted I could last a week with it.

But a week was reduced to minutes as I doubled over once more, clutching a hand to my heart and grimacing. For at that moment a beam of light shone in from my window, a light that was unexpected, for it was the first ray of morning, I had being suffering for that long and I had being unaware. So slowly I lifted my head and looked out my window, the sky was still dark, for the moon was still in the sky, but the sun was beginning to rise slowly upon the horizon, and I was being granted sight of this beautiful scene. I wish I had the time to enjoy it, but as I looked upon the orange hue spreading into the skies dark blue, a single word was whispered into my ears, and I knew what I had to do, what they pain was for. My uniform was put on faster then ever before and I had departed from my room before the first ray could grow into a second. 

The secret spot is a place found beyond the training grounds, it's not really a secret for most to everyone knows about it, even the garden facility. But since you have to go through the training ground, which is laden with monsters to get there, it is not patrolled that often. So you can imagine its popularity late at night after curfew amongst many of the students, I personally had only being their once before, and that was only when I was being showed around. But I knew that at this time of the morning it would be empty, no one would be going there until late that night, over 10hrs away. But my sixth sense had spoken to me and told me this is where I had to go, that burning feeling and voice told me that I had to go to the secret spot, for that is where I would find her. Quistis.

Find her I did and never before had I felt as frightened as I did in that moment, I know I did not show it outwardly, but inside I was a mess. But if I displayed it, Quistis might have sensed it and being put into further danger. For you see, she was collapsed upon the ground, unable to move or speak, an utter mess. She looked more sickly then any one I had ever seen before, drained of energy, her face sunken and hollow, like she had being sucked of blood. But she was still my Quistis and I walked over to her, each step I took I trembled, my breathing was heavy and shook more then my hands as I bent down and took hold of her, my eyes upon hers. I wanted to hold her tightly and let her know she would be alright now, but instead all I did was absently remove my most powerful GF, Odin, a place it upon her belt junctioning her to it.

I do not know why I did it, I guess the voice in my head guided me to, I do not know, but that is what I did, and then slowly I lifted her into my arms. Weakly she buried her head against my chest and said nothing, for I knew she did not have the strength to speak. I fought back tears and numerous emotions, I did not want her to see the concern I was feeling, I had to be strong for her, if not, whatever strength she was clinging onto might of faded away. But I did manage to say one thing to her during that time, one phrases that I hoped would bring her to her senses 

"I hope you found what you were looking for…"

What had happened to Quistis was odd, for some reason she had ceased using her GF's and by doing so, her body was revoked of an energy it was used to for survival. Basically she was denying her body an vital aspect of its development, for our bodies come to depend on the GF"s. But I am no doctor, all I know is her body was starved and denied what it needed, thus she slipped into physical decay. From what I was told, if I had found her when I had and junctioned her, she would have died.

So I must have stayed by her side every minute of her slow recovery right? Nope, I am afraid I did not, in fact as far as Quistis knows, I never visited her once during that time. She hopefully came to the presumptuous decision that I was afraid to see her, that she would be angered with me for what I did. What did I do though? I saved her life, but I also put an end to whatever it was she had being trying to do, ceased her quest for remembering the moment I placed Odin upon her belt. For that is what she was doing, she might not tell anyone, but I know it is, she wanted to remember something from her past, and put herself through physical torture to do so. Thus, I hope she found what she was looking for and will not do that ever again, for I do not think I could take the pain of watching her go through that again.

Why would she need to do that to herself though? I never understood why, what was so important about a time you can never go back to? The past is past, the future and present is all that should count, what you have here, shouldn't that be what matters to you? I know that's what matters to me, but I guess that is also what makes humans individuals, our different needs and desires. I just wished that at some point, Quistis would see through my eyes, that you do not need the past when you have what you need now. After all, she had love…why couldn't she just reach out and embrace that? I know its what she craves but what she fears as well. Devotion and adore, how I could give her those when she kept me at a distance, my reason for living would be to make her happy if she'd just let me into her heart.

Forcing those doors open is something I refused to do, I've said it before and I'll say it again, I will wait forever for her. Just to have her let me come to her, to hold her as close as I need to is what I want in life, for it to not just be a dream or some fantasy but my reality. That is why I did not stay by her side during her recovery, I couldn't bring myself to go to her, for I was afraid of what might be said. Harsh words may of being delivered that I couldn't take, a rejection and anger all directed at the act I had committed to save her life.

So I kept my distance, I went about my usual routines of brooding and class work, mixed in with a little training on the side. It kept me occupied and stopped me from permanently being worried about Quistis, I managed to make it through each day quite easily. Do not think I did not worry about her though, I would always make visits to the infirmary and find out how she was doing and such, by only when she was sleeping. That way I could watch over her without her knowing, make sure she was all right and unable to knock my hand away when I touched her face. I was just biding my time until the right moment or day would come, when my heart would tell me that It was time to let her know I was there.

It was a long stressful task, but I was used to waiting by now, I guess you'd say I was a professional when it came to that. I was also crowned the king of brooders for my ability to agonise for hours on end over only Quistis. It was not my intention to be given any titles by the students, but I became their target, out of so many students it was me who they decided to make their entertainment. Their romantic hero whom they just loved to watch and ponder over what he was going to do next, yet that was something not even I knew the answer to.

When it came down to it, I had no honest clue as to what I should do and when, I was as blank as a sheet of crisp paper. I had no idea as to what I should do now and no matter how many hours I spent late at night trying to come up with some sort of focus. I would always wake up in the morning, my mind as confused and unsure as it had being before I drifted off to sleep. I couldn't speak to anyone about my dilemma either, I didn't know any one I could trust with my feelings or who could listen to me without mocking my situation then spreading it to all who was interested.

Yet in the depths of my confusion came a ray of light much like that sunbeam which had led me to Quistis. A girl who came to me while I sat in my usual corner in the cafeteria, leaning forward across the table, head rested upon folded arms. I hardly knew this girl for she was not a garden member, just a friend of Quistis's. But when she stood before me, her arms behind her back, feet shuffling as she smiled at me, I saw hope.

Rinoa Heartily was her name and from what I knew, she had being with Quistis during the sorceress mission and they were very good friends. I was never really acquainted with Quistis's friends, but I had seen this girl before, spoken to her a few times when she would come to visit Quistis after class. Rinoa is one of those girls who makes you smile without intending to, she has a carefree spirit that can drag your own from the pits of hell into heaven. It was her gift in life and she used it frequently, something I was thankful for when she did it to mine that day just by smiling at me.

But it wasn't just her smile or presence that lifted my spirit, for she sat down at the table and spoke to me for quite some time. Cheerfully and full of hilarity was her voice and words, everything she said was like honey pouring from her mouth. She made me feel warm inside and the ice that was formed upon my heart was chipped away with every word and touch. She was touchy person after all, no matter how you looked at her she would still reach out and take hold of your hand or just tap it with her fingers as she spoke. But each time she did it, she drew you further into her, until you were entrapped by her words and presence and were glad to have her there.

Rinoa Heartily spoke to me quite a bit about Quistis, not just her condition, but just about her in general. What she was like as a friend and the concerns and hopes she held for her, I was intrigued by Rinoa's words because I was learning things about Quistis that no amount of staring or brooding could discover. It was not much, but for someone like me, I was enthralled to hear about what Quistis had being through during her life. I had never known that she was brought up in an orphanage, and the one who raised her was Edea, the headmaster's wife. No wonder the past was important to her considering she forgot about that time, then had it come back to her at a later date.

I found all these little tid-bits interesting, but it never changed any of my feelings toward Quistis nor enhanced them for they were as powerful as they ever could be. But I suppose you do not really care about that, just wondering what it was that Rinoa said to me, and what occurred afterwards. Well, there was a large amount of things said, different topics all focused around Quistis, but I believe the main aim was for Rinoa to have me understand what Quistis needed and why she hid it from me. 

"Quistis keeps things bottled up, she finds it hard to deal with her frustration's inwardly and outwardly, which leads her to get depressed over trivial matters at times... so you can imagine how something like this would get to her." 

"You're saying I frustrate her?" I asked with a familiar frown coming to my lips, the one that had being my companion for a few months now.

Rinoa shook her hands in front of her, her head shaking from side to side just a furiously "No, No! I didn't say that did I?"  
"You suggested it."  
"No I didn't! I just said that she finds it hard to deal with her frustration's."  
I sighed "Right, and the only person who could be doing that to her, is me. Right?"  
"Wrong!" She beamed as she said this and I was quite taken aback by the way she spoke so joyously and always with a smile "I was referring to her own frustration's! Quistis frustrates herself!"

"How so?" I asked blandly allowing my self to return to my lying across the table, chin resting upon folded arms.

"She likes to be in charge of things, she's an instructor after all. But what I mean is…" Rinoa trailed off here and thought for a moment "She knows how to handle others peoples problems and emotions. If you could see the change she made in Squall…well."  
"What did she do?"  
"She made him actually confront his feelings…she opened him up by continually reprimanding him and such. She knew him, she understood him I guess."

I frowned once more "What has that got to do with me? I hardly even know Squall…"  
Rinoa laughed at me and I must of blushed, I don't like it when people do that, I always feel awkward "Nothing! I'm just saying that…she doesn't understand her own feelings, she understands everyone else. But when it comes to knowing herself, she's more confused then you are right now."  
"You don't make much sense though Rinoa. What are you trying to tell me exactly?"  
It was her turn to sigh now and her hand struck my forehead lightly "You're quite daft aren't you?"

"What?"  
Rinoa struck my forehead again and I glowered at her, but she ignored my expression "I'm telling you to go to her. Now is the time you've being waiting for, I've seen the way you watch her, and when it comes to love. I know a thing or two about it."

"I don't know…" I began to raise from my sprawled position across the table, Rinoa smiling at me still.

"Of course you don't know. You think too much, I seem to know a lot of men with that problem. My advice, do not listen to your head."

"Great…" I muttered and leant back in my chair, head hanging forward and covering my vision with the strands of dark hair.

"You didn't let me finish…" as she said this she leant across the table and whacked my forehead once again until I looked up and into her eyes "Follow your heart…you'd be amazed at how much more knowledgeable it is to your mind."

"So you're saying its time I stop with my brooding?"  
"Exactly!"  
"I…I don't know…" I sighed heavily "What if…what if she hates me?"  
It was Rinoa's turn to sigh now, I think she was growing irritated with my reluctance "There is no chance of that…that is one thing I can guarantee."

I decided to take Rinoa Heartily's advice despite the fact I was not certain if it was the right thing to do. But I had done everything else, why not give this a try? Why not put my trust in someone who knew Quistis, after all, if Rinoa believed I had a chance…maybe I did. Now I was finally willing to risk it too, no more standing aside or hiding for her, if she was going to yell at me, then I was willing to take it. I was openly going to put my heart on the line, an act that was probably more crazy and wild then any adventure I had done before in my life, and this was one that truly frightened me.

I'm not a man of tact when it comes to romance, nor was I one to ask advice on how to go about what it was I wanted to do. So instead I decided to go about this like a blind man, to just go with the flow and see what happens. In times like this, what good are plans or strategies, when what you're doing should come from the heart? But this was something I had to do, the time was right I guess, because I was awake and the sun was out, this meant she'd be in her room. Maybe alone, maybe not, but I didn't care, I vowed, that no matter what, I would not hold back. Even if the room was filled with other people, I was going to be brave…or foolish, however you want to look at it.

When I entered her room though, I snuck in as quietly as possible, for it was empty and Quistis sat upon her bed, her Garden uniform on, yet she looked like she was sleeping. I smiled at this sight, she looked…in the suns rays, more beautiful then words can ever explain, like a goddess…I can't illustrate how I felt at that precise moment. Words would not come to me, I just stared thinking how much I loved this woman, how I would die for her.

Like some kind of stooge I stood there watching her, my heart pounding so tumultuously I was certain that everyone in the vicinity of the dorms would hear the thumping. It echoed through my mind like someone had taken a drill to my skull and was having a blast. But I did manage to pull myself together and swallow the lump that had formed in my throat and step further into the room. My eyes never once moving from Quistis's face, glued to her expression, mesmerised by her skin, so much that I absently found myself reaching out. My fingers slowly and tenderly pressing themselves against her cheek and just slowly moving back and forth, tracing absent patterns while I just felt relief that I was not being turned away.

Miracles do happen, for right now, as far as I was concerned one was taking place. I was touching Quistis Trepe, and she was not turning me away…she was…smiling, her eyes still closed, but she knew who it was, and she was not rejecting me. Then when her eyes fluttered open I thought my heart was going to explode and kill me right then and there before I could accomplish what I had come to do.

Somehow I managed to keep it under control, my exterior remaining as imperturbable as it always had. My old cool attitude from my days as a treasure hunter taking over as it always did and I was glad for that ability. The last thing I need was to have my knees turn to liquid and fall to the ground, an utter lovesick puppy. Words came eventually and Quistis and I talked silently and fondly as I sat upon her bed, letting her know the best I could how I felt without being a discordant imbecile. Calm and collect as I told her, I wanted to be with her…that I wanted to always be there.

Although I never showed it outwardly, I was frightened by what her response might be, perhaps she would laugh at me, tell me she was flattered but that was all. Everything that was a form of rejection passed through my mind, but by sheer luck; they were banished in a split second. A life changing moment in which Quistis Trepe threw her arms about me and pressed her lips to mine. A kiss from the love of my life, a kiss that I had dreamed of but never thought possible, one that sealed everything for me as I closed my arms around her and held her tightly. Not daring too ever let go, and I told her this, I told her that she had to realise that she was now stuck with me forever…she seemed quite pleased by that fact.

Love is the strangest of emotions and the greatest gift ever given to man, I can vouch for that from first hand experience. I had gone to hell and back with a mess of emotions all because of the love I felt for a woman. But now, I can easily say, I'd do it again in a second, I'd do it a million times if it meant I would end up where I am now. A man with the woman he loved by his side, and that woman, returned that love finally and with as much passion as I. 

Nothing mattered to me, not the looks of the other students or their words; I did not care how lucky some of the students' thought I was because I had won over my instructor. I know, at times, I may smile proudly as I hear them boasting about my victory at winning the "Trepe's" heart. But I promise I'm only smiling because I'm happy, not proud, but honestly and truly happy to know that I had in fact, won her heart, but more so, that she had accepted mine. Romance and relationships is something we're both new at, and I'm glad that we'll get to learn together. 

I remember though a time shortly after she had become healthy enough to leave her room. It took some time for her health to be completely satisfactory and I had being spending every minute with her…that's the truth, I even slept beside her bed for I didn't want to go, and she didn't want me to leave. But when her health was finally cleared she was allowed to resume her normal lifestyle, instructing and such, and late one night we took a walk which lead us to the secret spot beyond the training centre.

There were other people there, which is expected, but I didn't really care as I leant upon the rail and looked out across the land, the stars twinkling in the sky, or should that be winking? Who knows, but I leaned there while Quistis stood beside me, one hand upon my shoulder as we both just watched those stars. Words never really needed to pass between us at times, we seemed to just understand one another, it was odd, but I liked it. Silence can be so much more fulfilling at times, but that night we did speak.

I remained leaning upon the rail, Quistis beside me as I spoke softly, "You know, there was a time when I would go walking backward around the world if you said you were mine." I tore my eyes away from the stars and looked at her then, her own blues slightly confused.  
"There was a time?" she asked frowning slightly.  
I smiled at this and let her know exactly what I meant by those words "That's right, but I've changed my mind…I've decided, that I'm not going to leave your side, no matter what. After all, if I'm walking around the world, I won't be able to see your face, to hold your hand…I don't want to miss out on that for a second if I can prevent it." 

Quistis blushed as I straightened up and stood before her, waiting to see what she would say, like I said before, we were both adjusting to relationships. But she smiled "And to think that you were always there…did you know Lucan…" she began with a playful smirk "That I knew you were going to say that."  
"Oh really?" I asked raising my eyebrows.

"Of course, it is expected for an instructor to know everything about her student."  
I had to laugh at that "Is that so?"  
"That's right,"  
"So you know what I am thinking right now?"  
"Of course." She spoke with an assurance that I loved about her "You're thinking about what a fool I was. If I knew everything about you, why did it take so long for me to love you?"  
I shook my head and offered her my hand, she took it immediately and let me draw her against me, her other hand pressing against my chest "I was actually wondering if you were happy…"  
"Happy?"  
"Yeah, I asked you once before…but I was just wondering…are you truly happy?"  
Quistis smiled "Are you?"  
"That depends."  
"On what?"

I let my eyes lock on hers "Do you love me?"  
She didn't even need to think about her response "Yes, I do, I love you…"

I smiled broadly and pressed my lips to her forehead "Then I am happy. Because it means, I finally have what I need, the one person I will love forever. I have a future and a present, I have something to live for."

"You mean that?"

"I'll tell you the truth about us, you and I were born as if one…what more can I say to you, except that I love you…and I'd give my life for yours." I held her tightly as I said these words then continued to speak "Do you know what I'm thinking now?"  
Quistis smiled and buried her face against my chest "You're wondering what it's going to be like…being with me…forever…"

I grinned in my response "No, I was wondering if Lucan Trepe sounds stupid or not…but I think I'd prefer to be thinking what you said… " 

Quistis had to laugh at this and playfully slapped my chest "That's right, I almost forgot about that…it doesn't sound that bad does it?" she tilted her head actually pondering the name, accepting the name as part of the future.

I shook my head and pressed my lips to her forehead once again "No, not that bad at all…But…I just hope I don't let you down…that I deserve your name…that I deserve you…"

"I'll be the judge of that Lucan, so far you're doing a pretty good job. All you seem to think about is me…and nothing more."  
"What else is there?" I asked with a smile but never got an answer, for by then Quistis's lips found mine and blocked out any more need for speech.

So there you have it, that is how I, Lucan, once Treasure Hunter turned Garden student fell in love with my instructor Quistis Trepe. This is what I went through for her, to be given the chance to love her. I don't know what you think about me now, whether you're happy for me, for us, or maybe you're not. I just hope you can see, that I do love her…and I hope, I have proved that I am worthy of her love, that maybe you believe that Quistis has gotten what she deserves. But either way, I've got her, and I'm not going to let her go, ever, that I promise you.


End file.
